My new book Here Comes the Drama: A Ferris and Sloan Story is live!
Ever wonder what happens when a mother-in-law goes full wedding meltdown mode?
This episode dives into an unforgettable wedding story where chaos, drama, and unexpected twists steal the spotlight. From limo mix-ups and cross necklace demands to elopements and courthouse ceremonies, these real-life tales prove weddings rarely go as planned.
Listen as Christa and Paige navigate fiery family dynamics, outrageous demands, and the art of keeping your day stress-free despite unpredictable relatives.
Whether it’s dodging drama or finding joy in the unexpected, these stories remind us that love, and a little patience, always wins.
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Episode Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction
01:39 Viral TikTok and Childcare Costs
04:10 Mission and Content Focus
06:09 Gender Equity and Mental Load
19:09 Wedding Hot Takes and Rapid Fire
24:59 Reading the Wedding Story
25:13 Mother-in-Law’s Wedding Day Meltdown
30:05 Deciding to Elope
31:47 Courthouse Wedding Drama
38:01 Reflections on Weddings and Relationships
Must-Hear Insights and Key Moments
- The Guest List War – How a simple seating decision spiraled into a full family fight.
- Bridesmaid Betrayal – The shocking move the bridesmaid made behind her back.
- Mother-in-Law Overreach – The bold demands that crossed every line.
- Setting Boundaries Under Fire – The moment the bride decided to stand her ground.
- Choosing Peace Over People-Pleasing – Why walking away from tradition saved her sanity.
- The Fallout After the Wedding – The lasting impact of these choices on family relationships.
- What Paige Would Do Differently – Her biggest takeaway for anyone planning a wedding.
Words of Wisdom: Standout Quotes from This Episode
- “Sometimes the ‘happiest day of your life’ is just the most expensive therapy session.” – Christa Innis
- “Weddings don’t make people crazy, they just turn up the volume on who they already are.” – Christa Innis
- “Know your audience and know what you and your partner want ultimately.” – Christa Innis
- “Family drama doesn’t magically RSVP ‘no’ to your wedding.” – Christa Innis
- “If someone’s love for you hinges on an invite, it’s not love, it’s leverage.” – Christa Innis
- “If you haven’t been a parent to young children in a very long time, you don’t know the realities of the cost.” – Paige Connell
- “My goal with that conversation is to help women articulate what’s happening in their lives so they can better process that with their partner, find equity at home, and hopefully in the workplace as well.” – Paige Connell
- “We have this narrative of the work that men do outside of the home being really important, if not more important than the work their partner does at home.” – Paige Connell
- “Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish.” – Paige Connell
- “Peace was my real wedding gift to myself.” – Paige Connell
About Paige:
Paige is a working mother of four who shares relatable content on TikTok and Instagram, highlighting the everyday experiences of women balancing motherhood, careers, and relationships. Known for her candid insights on the mental load of motherhood and the challenges of creating equity at home and work, Paige’s content resonates with millions. She also advocates for affordable childcare, paid leave, and reproductive rights, sparking important conversations about what families need to thrive. Her impactful voice and relatable storytelling have led to features in Scary Mommy, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and more.
Follow Paige Connell:
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A Team Dklutr Production
Blog Transcript:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Christa Innis: Hi Paige. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. I’m so excited to talk to you. I was just saying before we started recording that I think I first saw you on, I wanna say it was probably TikTok or something and you stitched Dave Ramsey and I love like this like feminist movement where we were just calling out people that maybe say things that are a little harmful to, especially when we talk about moms and the mother load. And I always tend to like just jump right in.
Paige Connell on the Childcare Crisis and Gender Equity
But can we talk a little bit about what that was? I kinda wanna talk about your platform and how that’s kind of like grown over the years and what you kind of focus on?
Paige Connell: Yeah, sure. So that video in particular was right up my alley because I talk a lot about childcare and he was talking about the cost of childcare.
And so for context, I create content and I started out talking about just being a working mother and. part of that conversation is logistics. How do I make it work? How much do I pay for daycare? What does our schedule look like? Just all of those things. And I was just sharing my lived experience of motherhood, and the very first time I went viral on TikTok was talking about how much I pay for daycare, because people were just astonished at how expensive it is, and, didn’t even believe me transparently. A lot of people were like, that’s not real. And so I spend a lot of time bringing awareness to the childcare crisis because this is something that is happening to most people in our country, like most people and parents are experiencing the high cost of childcare and the impacts of that.
And so. When I saw the video of Dave Ramsey saying $25,000 a year for childcare, like, that’s not real. I felt like I had to respond because it is very real. It is the lived experience of many, many families, and for me, he’s a financial expert. He should understand the finances of the people he’s speaking to and the fact that this is the reality for most people in our country.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I think when. You get to a certain, I don’t know, I would say platform of his, He can’t really relate to the common person, the common family. and so I feel like, I feel like your content is so necessary because so many moms might go in and see something like this, and it’s like, oh wait, I shouldn’t be paying this. Or like, this isn’t normal, but like we can’t relate to someone like that, that actually is not in it. Right.
Paige Connell: Totally. Yeah. I think first and foremost, I think he’s of a different generation, and so childcare looks different today than it did even 10 years ago. And so if you haven’t been a parent to young children in a very long time, you don’t know the realities of the cost, right?
So I think in that way he’s out of touch. But it is his job to be in touch with what the average experience is of parents in our country, especially if he’s giving out financial advice, but I also think just in general, Dave has a very specific idea of what it should look like, right? He had a stay at home partner. He personally likes that, right? Like that idea of women providing that childcare, or at least he insinuates that in some of his content. And, yeah. You know, I just think it’s, he has a very specific platform and form of advice that he gives, and I just felt like in that instance, you know, I’m not a financial expert. I don’t pretend to be, but in that instance, he was saying something that I felt like was so outlandish and out of touch that it had to be addressed in some way.
Christa Innis: So I know I kinda jumped the gun right into like that conversation that I saw. But can you tell everyone a little bit more about what you post about on your page, your content, and what you feel your mission has become, with your posting?
Paige Connell: Sure. So yeah, I talk a lot about being a working mother and the realities of what modern marriage and motherhood look like specifically for women. I will say my following on all platforms is 99% women, sometimes 98. You know, it fluctuates. But it’s mostly women because my content for them is relatable and it’s something that they understand and see themselves in.
I would say the thing that most people know me for is speaking about the mental load specifically as it relates to motherhood, but I speak about it in general as well. And my goal with that conversation is to help women articulate what’s happening in their lives so they can better process that with their partner, find equity at home, and hopefully in the workplace as well.
And as part of that mission, I also talk about systemic things like lack of pay, parental leave, lack of affordable childcare, the motherhood penalty in the workplace. So my overarching goal is to help women advocate for gender equity in all facets of life. So not, being the default parent by default, right?
All of these things that I think as a society have been very normal for very long, but are leading women to feel burnt out and exhausted, and I do that through. Sharing my own experience, but also just thought leadership on these topics in general.
Christa Innis: Yeah, I love that. It’s so powerful and it’s funny, I mention it every time and time again, but like before doing all of this, I worked for a mommy brand and ironically it was before I had my daughter and so but with that, it was, I heard firsthand stories from moms, like struggling to go back to work, having to go back to work after six weeks or unpaid leave. And when I started kinda like digging into it, I was like, this is outrageous. Like it’s, we’re in a country where they want us to have more kids, but then there’s no support when you do have those kids.
Why Paid Parental Leave and Shared Care Matter
So what do you think are the biggest like things like work. I mean, workplaces is one thing. What can workplaces do? What can we do as a society to kind of like raise awareness to all this stuff?
Paige Connell: I think talking about it first and foremost is really important, bringing these topics up. You know, the things I’ve mentioned, childcare, paid parental leave. We often view these as women’s issues, when in reality they’re a family issue. They should be impacting anyone who is a parent, not just women, but women are the ones that disproportionately take on this work, right? So if there’s no childcare, who stays home?
Christa Innis: Typically, mom.
Paige Connell: Who adjust their career? Typically, mom.
Right. And so that’s just a societal expectation. And then sometimes people will point to the fact that, well, oh, the husband makes more money. And that just points the wage gap, right? It’s just like, it’s this kinda like chicken and egg thing, right? We’re struggling at home, we’re struggling in the workplace, and they’re really tied together.
And so I think on an individual level. I like to tell people this is not a failure. Like if you’ve ended up in a position where you’re burnt out and exhausted and you’re struggling with the mental load and your career has taken a hit due to childcare or whatever it might be. You’re not alone in that.
That’s not a personal failure, that’s a systemic failure across the board. But also there’s certain things that are within our control that we can do. And so we can’t fix all the systems at one time, but we can do some things, which is, for example, if your husband has access to paid parental leave, he should be taking it.
So many men don’t. So many men have access and they don’t take it, and they don’t take it because they’re afraid it’s gonna hurt their career, which ultimately just hurts women’s careers more and hurts their partners and their baby and all of the things. And so, we need men to be doing that. We need, policies that support parents in the workplace.
So adequate sick time, adequate paid leave, flexible work schedules. We need to stop these return to office mandates that disproportionately impact women, right? Like there’s all these things, but also within our homes. One of the reasons I suggest paid parental leave not suggest I strongly encourage, is because when men take it, they’re more likely to carry that mental load with their partner from the beginning and.
The mental load disparity happens very, very early on, typically even before you have kids. I think about, when my husband and I were in our twenties and we were going to a million weddings, I always bought the gift and the card and booked the hotel and coordinated all the things, and he was there, but I was coordinating it, right?
Like I carried that mental load. It wasn’t super heavy until we had kids, and so being aware of these dynamics in advance and talking about them with your partner, putting systems in place to avoid one person carrying too much, that’s something we can do, and there’s tools to do that.
Christa Innis: I love that. Yeah. I feel like it’s such an important conversation that a lot of families don’t, either don’t have or don’t know they should or can have them because it’s just, that’s the way it was when I grew up.
Or my dad went to work, my mom was home. So I just thought that’s how it went. And I think, like I said, with working at the mom brand, I was able to see like. I don’t want that when I go through postpartum, I need my part. It was like, have your partner support you, get your partner involved in the process.
Because so many women would like tell me like, oh, my husband wasn’t even in the room when I gave birth. Or he went right back to work the next day. Yeah. And even if they had a choice to stay home, they’re like, oh, well I gotta work. And it’s just like, you don’t realize if you are setting your family up for failure if you don’t take that time as a partner, to the one that gave birth, right? And so I feel like it’s such an interesting conversation because that push and pull between work and sticking up for your family essentially.
Paige Connell: Yeah. And I think, you know, it’s the narrative, right?
We’ve put a real premium in our country on men being providers and doing the paid work and women doing the unpaid care work at home. And so even like the overnight feedings I’ve said on social media, like, dad should be doing some of those, even if they’re partners breastfeeding, like they can change the diaper, they can soothe the baby. And men are like, well, I have work tomorrow. It’s like, she’s gonna be up tomorrow too. Okay. Like, and doing something incredibly important, which is caring for your newborn. And we have this narrative of this work that men do outside of the home being really important, if not more important than the work their partner does at home.
And so I really think we should push back on that. And I do think most men wanna be good dads. They wanna be good partners. But to your point, like as a society and, kind of what’s been modeled for us just doesn’t show us what that looks like.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I was talking to someone the other day and they were asking like, oh, how was your, postpartum?
And I realized, I’m like. Obviously I had a lot of challenges and stuff, but I think because like my husband at the time, like where he was working at the time, he got like two weeks off. I was like, this is what it’s gonna be like when I’m, postpartum. Like, I’m gonna need you to help with this. And like, I remember just being responsible for like breastfeeding.
I was like, other than that, he did everything else or we were able to split other things. I would hear of all these moms like having like postpartum depression and obviously that’s so nuanced. There’s so many reasons why women go through that. Right? Totally. But I feel like a lot of it could be helped with a supportive partner or supportive workplaces because a lot of times these women are stressed about going back to work in a few weeks and they’re not getting paid and they have to get their child in daycare and, that’s a lot.
Paige Connell:There’s a lot. you even mentioned daycare. Women are typically the ones finding childcare, and that’s really hard to do. And so yeah, it’s not as simple as just being home, taking care of a sleeping baby. You know, it, it’s pretty complex what’s going on. I’m glad to hear that you had the support that you need.
I mean, similar to my husband had. Not a lot of time with our first three kids. He had no time. and then with our fourth, he had four weeks and it was night and day experience for us. Right. It was a vastly different experience for me. and I think that’s so important. I wish everyone had that.
Christa Innis: I know.
It’s like, imagine how it would be if men were like forced, like, you have to be home during these 2, 3, 4 weeks, whatever that looks like. And just support women.
Paige Connell: Yeah. I mean, some countries do that. They mandate it, that men have to take it, and there’s like specific rules around how that looks. And so yeah, I think unfortunately in order to get men to do it, oftentimes it has to be mandated.
But I do think, more and more men are doing it, but we still need to see that improve across the board and. There’s data to show that, the work that women are doing and the mental, they’re caring it leads to real impact, mental, emotional, physical tolls on women, and that has a long-term impact on their lives and their well-being.
And so if we care about that, if we care about mothers as much as we say we do, then we should prioritize their care.
The Double Standards That Keep Women Carrying the Load
Christa Innis: Yeah. So I bet with like posting this kind of content, I mean, I see it ’cause I follow a lot of content about like talking about, inequality with women or, women empowerment.
There’s always the haters in the comments. What do you think the most, like, not necessarily like hate, comment, or like argument against what you have to say, or, you know, negative comments that people will comment and how do you kind of handle that?
Paige Connell: Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people say couple things, that I hate men, which I don’t, I don’t hate men.
I just want men to show up in a more meaningful way and I think most of them want to do that, which I know not everybody believes that like I actually am a person on the internet who says, like, I actually think most dads wanna be good people and good parents. they’re not doing it necessarily, but I think they want to.
And so it’s worth trying to get them there. But most people say, I hate men, or, that my husband must hate me. Those are two top comments, because I’ve talked about my own experience in marriage and motherhood with my partner and what that journey’s been like. And so, this mostly comes from men.
Obviously it’s not coming from women. I would say the vast majority of women. Feel understood or at least relate to something that I’m saying, even if not everything. But those tend to be the top comments, which is because I’m pushing for gender equity that yeah I don’t like men and then men in my life don’t like me.
Mm.
Christa Innis: I feel like too, it’s like people that say that kind of thing, in their family. It’s like, if it’s not, broke, don’t fix it kind of thing. Yeah. It works for them, but does it actually work for them? Maybe it works for them as the male partner, but have they actually sat down with their partner and asked, does this work for you?
But I think they are probably afraid to ask that question because they don’t wanna get the push back or have to carry more of that mental load.
Paige Connell: Yeah, I think it’s, layered. I think it depends on the person, obviously. And. one I hear from women in their sixties, seventies, all the time who are like, I wish I’d had this when I was younger.
’cause I just suffered through it. And I spent 40 years of my life catering to somebody who never helped me at all. And I hear that constantly. And then I’m lucky enough to hear from young women who are learning about what they do and don’t want in a relationship. But I think for men, some of it’s, you know, what did I see growing up? What did my dad do? What did my mom do? I think to your point of happiness, one of the comments that I see often, which is always so surprising to me, and I think comes from a very specific subset of men, is that men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, and women will sacrifice their family for their happiness.
So insinuating that women who expect more from their partner or choose divorce because they’re unhappy, are choosing their own happiness above their families, and men are willing to suffer for their families. and it’s this very specific talking point that I find so interesting. But I think it’s, again, trying to position women in this bad light the same way we do as single moms.
Single moms are bad. Where are the dads? Right? Like the moms are there. Like we talk about that. Like the impact that being raised by a single mother has. And we never say like, okay, the impact of a father being absent has, right? Like, we never talk about that. So I think it’s a branding thing, but essentially like.
Whenever women do something that remotely prioritizes themselves, we position it as selfish. When women have a career, they’re selfish, right? They’re, looking to make a ton of money. They’re letting somebody else raise their kid. When men do it, they’re providers, they’re family men, right? They’re putting food in the table.
We vary different narratives for men and women in our society. So much so that. We would never call a mom a hands-on mom or a present mom. Mm-hmm. But like so many women will be like, I have the best husband. He’s such a present dad. He is so hands-on. It’s like, yeah, you, kind of have to be hands-on with the toddler.
Like there’s no other version of parenthood. Right. For women. And so it’s just so interesting. I think some of it is just, yeah, the status quo, what we’re used to, and then other parts of it are kind of like, yeah, what we think about men and women at their time and whose time we truly value.
Christa Innis: That’s such a good point.
Yeah. It’s like I’ve seen videos about where it’s like a mom could be juggling like a few kids at the store and they just, they’re like, that’s a mom. The kid might be like throwing a tantrum or something and they’re just like, okay, whatever. She’s doing her mom thing. But if a dad does it, he’s such a good dad.
Paige Connell: The best dad.
Christa Innis: She’s such a good dad. And I remember like people will say like stuff about my husband, they’ll be like, oh, he changes the diapers. Oh, he takes her places by her himself. I’m like. Well, he’s her father. Like why wouldn’t he? Yeah. But I feel like it’s also generational, like, at least my parents’ generation, I feel like a lot of times it was Stay at home mom, so she was with the kids a lot, the dad was at work and you know, you saw them for dinner time the older generations are like, what’s happening here? Like, something’s shifting.
Paige Connell: Totally. I think things are shifting. I think in the millennial generation you’re seeing more egalitarian relationships, which is amazing. you’re seeing a little bit more polarization in the younger generations between men and women and what they expect from one another.
And I think. There’s many reasons for that, but it is interesting how different millennial men are compared to their fathers. And I think that’s a good thing. I think it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t come without push back. obviously, when you’re talking about these, deeply ingrained expectations of men and women, when you push back on those people, it gets uncomfortable.
Christa Innis: Yeah, definitely. it’s for the better good of, everyone. For sure. I agree. what’s your message for anyone listening that. Maybe is, struggling with the mental load right now and doesn’t kind of know the first steps to take either with their partner or their family or their work.
Paige Connell: So with the mental load in particular, I often say the first thing you have to do is just start to understand what it is. I think oftentimes women feel incredibly burnt out and exhausted and they feel like they’re kind of on this hamster wheel they can never get off of. They have this ongoing running to do list that’s always there and never shorter. And they can’t articulate that, right? Like when their partner says What’s wrong, they’re just like, I don’t even know. There’s a million things I could tell you. A million things that I’m stressed out about right now. Right? And so first and foremost, I suggest people familiarize themselves with the terms and what’s actually playing into the mental load.
And so one way to do that is to, we say, make the invisible visible, write things down every thought that pops into your brain, which is like, I have to pay, the school for a raffle basket. My kids need cash ’cause they’re going to the beach tomorrow with camp. I have all these reminders on my phone and I think a really important way to do this is just write everything down.
For a week, two weeks, just write it all down and look at it and you’ll see, you’ll start to see what that mental load looks like. What are the things that are weighing you down? What’s stressing you out the most? What’s causing the most tension? Where do you think your partner can support you?
Where do you feel like you’re strong? being able to look at it in a really concrete way. I use a spreadsheet, I offer this to people, whoever wants it, it’s part of my free guide, but I have a spreadsheet and it just lists a bunch of tasks that most families do. It’s from the book Fair Play. E Rodsky created this game, which is a really great way to make that invisible labor visible.
Doing that is so helpful just for you as a person to be able to see it and say like, okay, this is why I’m tired, like this is why I’m stressed out. and then from there. You can think about having a conversation with your partner, but I often tell women like, sometimes you’re not ready for a conversation with your partner and you just need to be able to say it to your therapist or say it to your best friend and start to articulate what you’re feeling.
And then once you’ve been able to do that, then you can start to have the hard conversations of, okay, well what does it look like for us to change this?
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I love that. Saying it out loud. ’cause I feel like a lot of times, like as women, we like keep things in until like, yeah. Kind of builds up a little bit and then it’s like you can’t take it anymore.
So, I love that, getting it outside, saying it to a therapist, a friend, and kind of piggybacking off of that. Okay, let’s get into, because I know everyone loves the crazy stories Wedding Hot takes. Let’s get into some different hot takes for weddings. if as we’re kind of talking, you have like any wild wedding stories or wanna share anything, you know, don’t, no pressure to share anything personal if you don’t want to. But, okay. These are hot takes that people sent to me. Here’s what they said. It’s okay to skip traditions that don’t resonate with you, including the white dress.
Paige Connell: Yeah. Why not? My daughter’s daycare teacher just got married and she wore a pink dress, and my daughters are all about it. They’re like, that was beautiful. It was like a baby, like very light, light pink. But they, like a four and 3-year-old are obsessed.
Christa Innis: Yeah. So I love that like old princess dress. I know. I feel like there’s so many things that we do with weddings or whatever it else It is, and we don’t like ask why.
We’re just like, let’s just do it. Yeah. Yeah. It says you don’t owe anyone a plus one, especially if they’ve never met the one. Mm, yeah.
Paige Connell: Yeah. There’s a weird expectation that you have to give people a plus one. And I think, going back to the finances talk from the beginning, it’s like, it’s expensive to have a wedding and I’m paying for your plus one to be here.
And I think depending on what, who’s funding it, right? Like having that understanding, be able to understand, especially if they’re your close friends, like. I can’t give everybody a plus one, and I think that should be okay. I think context matters if you’re inviting. A coworker who knows no one and you give them no plus one.
I actually think that’s probably pretty uncomfortable for them. If you’re inviting your cousin who has 20 other cousins at the wedding, they don’t need a plus one.
Christa Innis: Right? Yeah. Like your 16-year-old cousin that just started dating someone. I think they can come with their parents like that. That’s fine.
Yeah. I find this interesting thing when I post about either, like if I do a skit about plus ones or kids being invited or something like that. People have this, they either are like, yes, I agree. Like no one needs, you don’t owe anyone an invite. Right? The other side of people are like, just say you’re broke if you’re poor, don’t have a wedding.
I’ve had some people say that and I’m like, just because they’re not inviting the whole world and then some, doesn’t mean they don’t have money or they’re broke. There’s just everything’s nuanced. Right? And it’s just like, I don’t know.
Paige Connell: Yeah. It also reminds me of, like, when I talk about childcare, people will say, well, don’t have kids if you can’t afford ’em.
And it’s like, okay, but I am having kids that I can afford. It doesn’t mean that it’s not expensive. people are having weddings that they can afford. It just means they can’t invite your plus one. So it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s very, to me, it’s very like classicist to be, like, to say, you’re broke. It’s like everybody’s having the wedding that they can afford.
That they, they can afford or that’s within their budget. And if you don’t like it, then don’t attend. Right. Then don’t go. But I don’t think we should judge anybody for the scale of their wedding or how many people they can invite or how expensive it is, because at the end of the day, you know, we’re all living in this world and this economy together.
Right. We all have different means. I think it’s a very strange take to have,
find that so.
Christa Innis: Honestly. Yeah. It’s so interesting. Yeah. That’s such a good point too about the kids comment, because you hear that all the time and it’s like. One, it’s like if just because someone has a budget or they’re like, oh, this is expensive, or we can’t afford to do this because blank, it doesn’t mean like they made a poor choice and why are we why are we putting someone down because of their life? And I don’t know.
Paige Connell: Yeah, it’s also a very privileged take, right? Like we’re all like one bad medical disaster or layoff away from struggling financially like most people in this country. And so if you have that perspective, you can understand that some people maybe aren’t prioritizing plus ones at their wedding because they’re saving for a down payment on a house.
And so they’re not broke. They just have different priorities to you, and that’s okay. But I do think it’s a pretty privilege take to have that. Like, just, just say you’re broke side of it.
Christa Innis: It’s so people are, people are funny in the comments about honeymoon stuff or paying like, um, gifting at a wedding.
All these kind of things that are just like, just do what you can afford. People are more happy to have you be there. It’s like, yeah. Very interesting.
Rapid-Fire Wedding Chaos: The “Would You Rather” Edition
Okay. To kind of kick off a little bit more, and before we get to the wedding story, this is rapid fire. This is kinda like just a new little wedding chaos, rapid, rapid fire thing. Okay. Um, would you rather have your childhood nemesis in your bridal party or your partner’s ex sitting front row?
Paige Connell: Partner’s ex.
Christa Innis: Okay. Would you rather have the fire alarms go off during your vows or your mic cut out mid speech?
Paige Connell: Mic.
Christa Innis: Yeah. I feel like that happens at like a lot of the weddings, anyway.
Paige Connell: I was gonna say, I, and I’ve been at a wedding where the fire alarm went off. It wasn’t during the vows, but we had to evacuate for a while.
Christa Innis: Oh gosh. I just heard a story where the fire alarm went off. And they all had to go off into the parking lot and they ended up just like the DJ just played music out there and they like opened up a bar outside.
They’re like, we couldn’t afford wait for hours. And I was like, I love that. I love that turn of events where you just make the best of it.
Paige Connell: It’s memorable. Yeah, exactly.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Everyone will always talk about that wedding. Um, would you rather have your cake be made of styrofoam for display or taste like cardboard?
Paige Connell: Styrofoam.
Christa Innis: Would you rather your hairstylist ghost you or your makeup artist show up two hours late.
Paige Connell: Hairstylist ghost me.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, would you rather accidentally post your private vows on Instagram or text them to your ex? These are wild.
Paige Connell: Instagram. I’ve said worse on Instagram for sure.
Christa Innis: Right. It’s like at this point someone was asking like how I post content and I’m like, once you kind of start, you’re kind of like, we’re all on this floating rock together.
Like once you Yeah. It’s like once you get it out there, you’re like, I don’t care. Like these sting sometimes still, but for the most part, I’m just like, it feels kind of like, I dunno if you’re ever like scrolling, like TikTok, do you feel like we’re just like, all like on a talent show and we’re all just kinda like posting like different things and like it kinda just rolls past you after a while.
The Mother-in-Law Who Turned Two Weddings Into a Battlefield
Okay. Let’s get into this week’s wedding submission. As, as always, um, people just send me different stories to react, to give advice or. I guess it’s kind of, I was gonna say unsolicited, but they sent it so I guess it’s solicited. Um, so yeah, feel free to stop me at any time or we can add little side stories. So let’s see. I have not read it, so let’s see how it goes.
Okay. She says, or they say, so this is a long story. It started when my brother-in-law got married a few months before our wedding. My mother-in-law insisted on paying for the reception. The couple offered to chip in because they wanted to include the bride’s grandparents.
My mother-in-law said it was fine and that she would handle everything. Okay. On the day of the wedding, she was incredibly sweet, thanking everyone for coming. But as soon as the guests, including the couple left and the bill came, she completely flipped out. Mind you, this was a low key reception, a buffet at a buffet style restaurant.
My husband tried to calm her down and even covered, offered to cover the cost for the bride’s grandparents, but she refused and said they were all ungrateful. She had also insisted on paying for the limo the bride took to the church. It was chaotic getting ready that day. There were three limos outside and the drivers were directing us where to go.
We even got into one limo and were told it was the wrong one, so we had to switch. At the time, I had a year and a half old daughter. She wasn’t in the wedding, so my mother-in-law offered to watch her until the ceremony, after the ceremony. Anyway, I’m in the limo with the bridesmaids and the flower girl.
We arrive at the church and there’s my mother-in-law, absolutely fuming. Apparently the limo we rode in was meant for the bride to be fair. The only difference was the color. She had my daughter on her hip and was walking up the steps. When I saw the bride pulling up in the other limo, she practically threw my daughter at me and I tripped trying to catch her so she wouldn’t fall.
My gosh. Okay. Then she walked over to the bride’s limo. Tried to hand her a cross necklace to wear. The bride politely thanked her, but explained she was wearing her late grandmother’s necklace who passed just a few months before. That must have been the last straw. She reached into the window, window of the limo and tried to pull the bride out, screaming and cussing that she didn’t deserve her son.
Oh, wow. Okay. That’s wild. Um, and then like nothing had happened, she walked back to the steps and tried to take my daughter again. I told her absolutely not that I was going to walk down the aisle with her. I had already cleared it with the groom who was in the back of the church sobbing. The bride’s parents asked her to leave, but she said, “You’ll have to call the cops. I’m not leaving without seeing my son get married.”
Imagine saying that, and then demanding to be there for the wedding.
Paige Connell: No, that’s crazy. I mean, well, is that it or is there more?
Christa Innis: There’s more. Okay. It’s already pretty wild. There’s a, yeah, like another page. Okay. Oh gosh. Like it’s, it’s funny, like these stories, like sometimes they seem like out of left field, so I don’t, ’cause you know, you don’t really get like the before. As sometimes you get some of this stuff, but then all of a sudden it’s just like this crazy like day that just like goes wild. Um, okay sure enough, the cops came and escorted her out. That’s wild. Okay. The rest of the wedding was actually beautiful and went off without a hitch.
Paige Connell: Well, that’s good.
Christa Innis: I guess that’s good. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay.
Paige Connell: I’m confused though. Did she pay for the reception and the rehearsal? It must have been the rehearsal dinner. That she was talking about at the beginning. I can’t imagine she’s paying for a reception she’s not attending. But…
Christa Innis: I know, well it said she insisted on paying for the reception, but…
Paige Connell: Maybe that’s the rehearsal dinner. Myabe it’s at the restaurant. I don’t know.
Christa Innis: Yeah, because it sounds like the night before. Yeah, right. Said, oh yeah. So I’m wondering if she meant rehearsal, maybe. Yeah. Because yeah, it was the night before at a restaurant, and then they got a check. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. Yeah. I can’t imagine she’d offer to pay for it now, especially if everything.
Paige Connell: No, sure. She was escorted away by the police then she wasn’t there for the check. Right.
Christa Innis: Yeah, that is wild. Just because they took the wrong limo. I’m so confused of like, there must be another backstory or something that happened.
Paige Connell: I mean, it sounds like she doesn’t like the daughter-in-law and it also sounds like, I don’t know, there’s so many accounts out there that talk about these kind of mothers of son dynamics and mother-in-law dynamics and I think this sounds like someone who, obviously we do not have the context here, but like wanted this wedding day to be about her and what she wanted. Um, I also think the grandparent thing is so strange ’cause it’s like it’s two people. You agree to it. Um, and I think. You. Yes. Like if, if somebody paid for my rehearsal dinner, I would say thank you and be grateful and all the things, but, um, you shouldn’t do it because you wanna parade. Like if you’re offering to do it, and if you’re agreeing to do it, it’s, you know, I don’t, I don’t know what she wants from the bride and groom and they’re obviously preoccupied with everything else and that day’s about them. And so. Even if they are thankful, it doesn’t have to like, I don’t know. I don’t know what that person wanted.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. I feel like it’s that common trope of like, they offer to pay for it, but there’s this like invisible string or like, they’re dangling a carrot, you know, to be like, we paid for this, so we get to do this. Or, there’s all these like. If I do this, then I get this and it’s like, that’s not how it works. If it’s a gift, an actual gift, and you wanna help, then treat it as a gift.
Paige Connell: Yeah. There’s no strings attached or control, like you don’t get to control a situation because you financially provided for it.
Christa Innis: Right. Yeah. And I feel like they want like this, like red carpet then rolled out like, oh, that’s, that’s her. She paid for the event, you know? But it’s like, it’s still not gonna be about you. It’s about the bride and groom.
Paige Connell: Yeah.
Christa Innis: Now she says, now my wedding. After all of that, my husband and I decided we were going to elope to Vegas. We asked my parents it. You’re like-
Paige Connell: Get it. I get it. Yeah, I get that. I eloped as well. I get it.
Christa Innis: Okay. Okay. Um, I guess you can. If you wanna share stuff, but um, you can.
Paige Connell: Yeah. Oh no, my family just doesn’t get along and so I figured instead of that whatever is happening here, I don’t think that would’ve happened to me.
But I think, um, I decided instead to elope with my husband in Italy and we had the best time by ourselves. And so, I mean, I get the eloping I actually recommended to everyone. Even if your family is not complicated, because personally to your point earlier, like weddings are expensive. People are never gonna be fully happy with everything that you do.
And I’m a person who, if you are a person who knows that you’re gonna show up at your wedding and be more concerned with everybody else having a good time than having a good time yourself. Don’t have a wedding, and that’s who I am. Like I would be running around being, are you having fun? Are you having fun?
Are you having fun? The host and I wouldn’t be having any fun. And so eloping, I was able to do whatever I wanted, which was great.
Christa Innis: That’s such great advice because I know brides were like, I was a bridesmaid for them and the whole time they’re more concerned about everyone else. They’re doing everything for the other people.
And it’s like, yes, you wanna, you know, care obviously, and you want people to enjoy themselves, but it goes by so quickly. And if you’re there like stressed about everyone else and like, oh, did so and so like their food, or did so and so blah, blah, blah. Then it’s like it loses the whole purpose, I think.
Paige Connell: Yeah, I agree.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Um, okay, so she says they eloped to Vegas. Um, we asked my parents to watch our daughter and began saving for plane tickets in a hotel we had planned for a two month window. Um, wait, they were going for two months?
Paige Connell: I’m assuming in two months. Like two months from then. Maybe. Maybe. I dunno.
Christa Innis: No, that was, yeah. Sometimes I read as I’m reading these, I’m like not absorbing. I get it the right way. Um, okay. But as life often goes, something unexpected happened. I found out I was pregnant with our second child, no flying for me. So we decided to get married at the courthouse and plan to do a vow renewal in Vegas on our one year anniversary. We wanted to keep it simple and stress free.
So the mother-in-law from the previous story is, is that, that’s gotta be her husband or partner’s mom.
Paige Connell: It’s her husband’s, yeah. Mom. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Okay. So a mom of two sons it sounds like. Who?
Paige Connell: At at least two? Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah, at least two. Yeah. Who might not like the daughter-in-laws? Okay.
His mom insisted he stay at her house the night before, even though we had already been living together for two years. She also insisted I wear her cross necklace, so she’s going through these same like motions. Despite me not being religious, I had found a dress I love on sale just, just $260 for the dress, Petco and veil. I’m not into heels. I even wore flip flops to the previous wedding, but she took me shoe shopping and made me get these blinged out heels instead of the white slipper style shoes I liked that were only $10.
I, I don’t understand. Made me get like, she’s like, poles are up to the front and is like, you’re wearing these on your wedding day. So I’d be like. No.
Paige Connell: Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, I get it though. I think some people have a hard time. Like if you’re a, uh, which I sometimes say I’m like a natural people pleaser. I’d have a hard time finding a way to like tactfully say no. Uh, but, I think also like, yeah, sometimes, especially with your own wedding, it’s like, yeah, I’m not wearing those shoes. Thank you though.
Christa Innis: That’s so kind of you.
Paige Connell: It’s kind of you. Um, but I’m gonna politely decline.
Christa Innis: Yeah. Yeah, I know. And I’m sure it’s like so complicated seeing how she reacted to the last wedding. So she’s like probably tiptoeing totally to this mother-in-law. Gosh, that’s gotta be a nightmare. Okay. What was supposed to be a short 25 minute ceremony started to feel like a full-blown production.
I was pregnant, emotional, and just wanted to marry my husband, eat a burger, and go home. My parents offered to take us to an Italian restaurant after the ceremony. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but my husband really wanted to go, so I agreed I figured I’d settle for ravioli instead of a burger. They invited his mom, my best friend, who was my witness, and his brother, who was his witness.
The whole time at the restaurant, his mom was making nasty comments to his brother about his wife. Oh my gosh. So she still doesn’t let this all go. I also wonder how between that wedding and this one, how the relationship was, if they were like, you know, we’re gonna keep our distance. Or if we’re like, oh, it didn’t happen to us, we’re just gonna brush it off. Because getting arrested and pulled outta your son’s wedding is a big deal.
Paige Connell: Yeah, totally. Yeah. I don’t know. Uh, there’s a lot of missing pieces here.
Christa Innis: Yeah. He eventually got up and left. Then she started on in on my husband saying he wasn’t sticking up for her. It got super awkward. I finally said, it’s our wedding day. We just wanna celebrate with the people we love. She looked me dead in the face and said, well, now I have no sons. Are you happy now?
Paige Connell: Yeah. I think, I think she’s just a classic example of the, like, boy moms we see on social media, the the ones who are a bit, um. Yeah. Are never gonna be pleased with whoever the other, uh, it’s weird to say the other woman, but the, the wife is, essentially. I think this is a lived experience that many women have and it feels like a no-win scenario. I mean, obviously we don’t know the intricacies here. We dunno what’s going on from this story. It sounds like she feels like she’s like losing quote, unquote losing her sons to their wives, which like. I think that’s what’s supposed to happen. They’re adults. Um, so yeah, that’s complicated for sure.
Christa Innis: Yeah. There’s a, there was a term for, I just had a therapist on last, a couple weeks ago, and there’s a term for it. It’s like. I can’t, no, I don’t wanna butcher it and like say the wrong thing, but Yeah. It’s like, or enmeshment. Enmeshment.
Paige Connell: Yes. Yes.
Christa Innis: And she was like, it’s when they like can’t see their kids as separate people. Mm-hmm. Even when they’re into, they’re adults, they feel like they always own, owe them, or they always are connected in some interesting way that’s not Yeah. Normal. Yeah, not normal, but I guess it’s not.
um, okay. I was shocked in complete disbelief. My husband calmly asked her to speak. To speak with her outside as they were heading out. He told my best friend to grab my coat and purse. We got married in December and bring them to him. She followed and handed them to his mom. Later he told me, he told her her behavior toward me, toward him, toward us was completely unacceptable that she wasn’t going to ruin another wedding day.
He told her we needed a break. There we go. And that she had to accept that her sons had found women they love. She jumped in her car and sped off. We went five months with no contact after that. The root of it all control. She constantly tries to compete with everyone financially, emotionally, and otherwise.
That was nearly 14 years ago and to this day, we still have to take breaks from her.
So they’re not no contact it sounds like, but-
Paige Connell: Maybe low contact. I think some people go like low contact with their parents, where they engage with them when it feels like they can and then otherwise. You know, take space from them. I mean, that’s really hard. I think you hear about these stories a lot of times, and I just dunno that there’s a healthy way to interact with a person who’s going to engage. Even if I felt incredibly wronged by somebody on their wedding day, I would say nothing. No, ma no matter what, my sister, I don’t care. Like, I would say nothing. I’d be like, that’s for another, that’s for my therapist for another day. You know? That’s not for now. I think, um, people who don’t have that capacity, obviously, um, that’s a very different situation and obviously I imagine for their, her sons like so hard to navigate.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like that’s so, that’s gotta be so hard coming in as like a daughter-in-law really excited to like.
Marry this person and having your in-law like hate you just because you’re with her son. Yeah. No other reason. And you really can’t win. I feel like in a situation like that, unless the mom goes to therapy maybe, or like do some social searching or something, I don’t know. Um, that’s just gotta be really challenging.
Paige Connell: I can’t imagine. Yeah. Honestly.
Christa Innis: I’m proud of the, the fiance or the husband because a lot of these stories, you don’t hear them mention the fiance or partner or husband. A lot of times it’s just like their personal story with the mother-in-law or if it is a mother-in-law story or the situation, and we’re always.
Where are they in this story? So I’m really glad that he like put his foot down, was like, this is not okay. Because you don’t always hear that in these stories because-
Paige Connell: It sounds like both of them did, both, both brothers, um, stuck up for their partners and I think that’s really important. You hear that a lot, which is like, I have these awful in-laws and my partner doesn’t do anything about it.
And you know, I think that’s a really difficult situation to be in. So yeah, I think it’s great that both partners, you know, stepped in.
Christa Innis: Yeah, absolutely. Well, that was a wild, wild wedding story. Um, okay. Um, you know, talking, it’s funny that we were talking about eloping and stuff because I, when I share these kinds of stories, people are always like, oh, that’s it.
I’m gonna elope. And I think the important lesson here is like. Know your audience and know what you and your partner want ultimately. Because I think eloping is a great idea. I don’t think everyone should elope, but I think it just do whatever makes sense for you and block out all the noise because it’s so easy to think like, oh, my parents or my sister, or whoever it is, wants this big wedding for us.
And then you do it and you’re like, that’s not what I wanted. And then it’s, yeah. Disappointing.
Paige Connell: Yeah, I think weddings have become this like big, big, I mean, they’ve always been a big thing, but I think now too, in the age of social media, it’s like, what’s the hashtag? What’s this? What’s that? It doesn’t matter at the end of the day.
And I think having a strong partnership is ultimately. The thing that you’re gonna hold onto for the rest of your life is not gonna be that wedding day. I will say I have friends who’ve absolutely loved every single second of their wedding and loved having one and would do it a hundred times more. And I think if you are that person and you think that’s going to be you, you should absolutely do it.
Like do that. And if you’re not, that’s okay. And if it doesn’t end up being the best of your life, that’s okay. Um, and this is not meant to sound, um, flippant, I guess, or I don’t know if that’s the right word, but like, as a wedding guest. I couldn’t tell you what somebody’s bouquet looked like seven, seven days later, let alone seven years later.
I don’t remember, right? I’m here ’cause I love you and I wanna have a good time and I’m gonna dance and I’m probably gonna cry at your vows, but I, you know, I don’t, no one else is nearly as invested as you are. And I tell my friends all the time, like when I’m a bridesmaid, I’m like, don’t worry about my pictures.
You’re never gonna look at ’em again. You’re really not like, you’re never gonna look at this picture of you and I in my bridesmaids dress again, you’re only gonna look at pictures of you and your husband and maybe your family. Yeah. Um, and that’s just the truth. Like at the end of the day, we’re doing it for us and our partner and there’s so much that goes into it that we stress about, and it’s like, no one else is gonna remember this a week from now.
Christa Innis: Mm-hmm.
Paige Connell: You know? So don’t kill yourself. Yeah.
Christa Innis: Yeah. No, I know. It’s like you hear people getting stressed over like. I mean like the favor being, uh, oh my gosh. I was in a wedding once where they were stressed about the way the favor was on the, on the plate, and I was like, no one’s gonna notice. Let’s not stress about that.
It’s okay.
Paige Connell: And they never know. Like, I didn’t know what it was supposed to be, so I don’t know that it’s wrong. Exactly. You know, like you’re the only one who knows. And here’s the thing, if, if a vendor has royally messed up and you’re paying a lot of money for it, like you should care. Um, but in the sense that you should try and get your money back, not in the sense that like anybody else cares.
Christa Innis: No, absolutely. I would say it was kind of a blessing. Like my husband and I, all our, like good friends got married before us. We were like one of the last ones. And it’ll allow us to see over the years, like what we liked, what we didn’t like, and learn from brides too. Like being like, oh, like I didn’t, I wasted money on this, or I really wish I would’ve done this, or, um, I caved and did this when I really sh you know, whatever that was.
Yeah. And I feel like we chopped off a bunch of people too that like. They wouldn’t have cared to be there or not. And so I feel like you can, we can learn a lot from, from observing, I guess. Um, yeah. Okay. I like to just end these with, uh, some confessions. People send me their crazy confessions in Instagram.
Um, this one says, um, my fiance wants me to remember the good times with the in-laws, and I just don’t think I can. So that sounds like a. Yeah, maybe a bad relationship where-
Paige Connell: Maybe with the in-laws. Yeah. I mean, I think like you can’t, you can’t ask somebody to do something that they don’t have the capacity to do. So it is what it is.
Christa Innis: Yeah. That sounds like to me, without like assuming too much, it just sounds like the son’s probably put in the middle of like the in-laws. His wife not getting along and he doesn’t want to like, cause a barrier or say no, you know, and so he is just like, just think of the good times. So, that’s hard.
Um, my sisters were so much drama at my wedding then got mad when I didn’t want to be at theirs. Oh.
Paige Connell: That’s, that’s hard.
Christa Innis: That, yeah. That’s tough. Um, last one says I have to invite someone I hate because she’s the wife of my, of my fiance’s best friend.
Paige Connell: Yeah, I think you do have to invite her kind of, Ooh, I don’t know, it’s tricky. I would say if something has actually transpired between the two of you and she is a person who’s caused you harm. You don’t need to, and like your partner should be the one to have that conversation with his best friend. If you just, just like don’t like her, like you just don’t vibe, you don’t like her energy or like just who she is as a person, I think that’s slightly different.
Um, if somebody’s caused you direct harm, it been unkind to you, you shouldn’t have to have them at your wedding. If it’s just that you just don’t like them. Like, I don’t know. I think we can, you are not gonna pay attention. You’re not gonna notice her. Again, going back to the, like, if you have a hundred people at your wedding and you hate one of them for no real reason, and I’m not saying you do, but if, if that’s what it is and it’s like, just don’t pay attention to her. Like just ignore her. It’s you. You don’t have to interact. There’s enough people there to buffer that. It doesn’t have to impact your day.
Christa Innis: Yeah, no, that’s, that’s a really good point. And I wanna say, I’ll try to say it so it’s not like too obvious, but I have to say something similar happened at our wedding. I wouldn’t say hate, of course, I don’t hate anybody but someone in our wedding that’s like really close with my husband started dating someone. I knew from my childhood that was just like, like kinda like a bully, not like a nice person. Yeah.
Paige Connell: Yeah.
Christa Innis: And when I found, like, I was like, oh, we have to give him a plus one. I know he’s gonna bring her. And it was just kinda uncomfortable, awkward, not nice person, but I just like put my feelings aside with it and it ended up being fine. Like, it ended up being fine. Totally fine. She was awesome. And I feel like it was just me kind of holding onto some like childhood thing of like, okay, I don’t know how this is gonna go.
And it was fine. So, I don’t know, I, I don’t, not saying recommend to like all of a sudden like, let it go. ’cause we don’t know what happened with these people, but just Right. Totally.
Um, well thank you so much for coming on. I feel like we kind of jumped all over the place because I’m like, oh, like let’s talk weddings and, um, mental load. But I feel like there’s so many important conversations to have and I was just telling someone, like I started by just sharing like, you know, wedding stories on here. ’cause that’s what I do on my, in my content. But I feel like it’s so much more complicated than just wedding. There’s relationships, there’s um, you know, new, you know, new relationships, dynamics, that kind of thing.
And it all ties into so much more. So thank you for coming on.
Paige Connell: Thanks for having me.
Christa Innis: Can you again just tell everybody where they can follow you, what kind of content you share, and anything interesting or fun you’re working on?
Paige Connell: Yeah, sure. I share content on modern marriage and motherhood and what that looks like in relation to gender equity, and you can follow me on pretty much every social media platform at, she’s a page turner.
I also have a website. She’s a page turner.com, a substack, all the things, and so. You know, if you Google it, you’ll find me.
Christa Innis: Awesome. Well, thank you so much. It was awesome chatting with you.
Paige Connell: Thank you.